Ways to increase the sexual satisfaction within your intimate relationships:

1. Understand the science
2. Explore the context
3. Communicate

Understanding the science

The Dual Control Model suggests that sexual arousal and desire is determined by two brain systems, the “accelerators” and the “brakes”. These are environmental, interpersonal, and personal factors that increase or decrease arousal.

To be sexually aroused and desire sex, the accelerator needs to be more engaged than the brake. By sharing the factors that activate your sexual accelerators and brakes with your partner/s, you will be able to work out how to have more mutually satisfying experiences.

Accelerating factors may include:
- Feeling relaxed
- Having energy
- Sensual touch
- Kissing
- Anything that that moves you towards wanting sex.

Brakes might be activated by:
- Stress
- Feeling tired
- Negative beliefs about sex
- Feeling full
- Anything that moves you away from wanting sex.

Explore the context

Think about a positive sexual experience you’ve had in the past and consider the factors surrounding the experience that made it pleasurable for you. If you haven’t had one, imagine what this might look like. Exploring your “pleasure contexts” will allow you to learn more about yourself and to incorporate this knowledge into your experiences.

When exploring your “pleasure contexts” you might want to Consider:
• What happened, e.g., body parts touched or not, oral sex, etc.
• The setting, e.g., home, phone, public, etc.
• Life circumstances, e.g., stress, holiday, etc.
• Aspects of your partner, e.g., physical appearance, hygiene, etc.
• Relationship factors, e.g., emotional connection, feeling wanted, etc.
• Personal wellbeing factors, e.g., feeling confident, positive mood, etc.

Communicate

• Use the traffic light system to facilitate discussions about desires, consent, and boundaries before having sex.
• Red = Absolute no! This communicates a firm boundary which must always be respected, to ensure everyone feels safe.
• Green = Absolute yes! Enthusiastic. However, a green light is not a replacement for real-time consent.
• Yellow = Maybe? Unsure, curious, needing further exploration or time to come to a decision.